YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO LEAVE
I have lost a lot of people in the last year; friends I thought would be with me for life, but left; lovers who I thought would never betray me but did; family members who claimed to love me but proved otherwise. But losing you has been the most significant pain of all. In my mind, you were never meant to leave. I never imagined my life without you right there with me; yet here I am, trying to make sense of a world without you in it.
For the sake of my own sanity, I must believe that life never really ends. It simply morphs into that which is unknown. In the face of death, life is confusing, frustrating, grief stricken, and disorienting. I must come to terms with the fact that there is no going back to normal. Life is different now and so am I, forever altered by the pain and darkness that comes with losing you.
This series has been my way of grieving. Through creating these images, I have allowed myself to mourn and process all of the emotions that come with losing loved ones. By using myself as a prop, I was able to literally and visually put my emotions into my photographs. My still life images use objects that further emulate my feelings and serve as visual metaphors for my personal mourning process.
The most important outcome of this series for me was finding and creating beauty from a dark and extremely sad chapter of my life. My art has allowed me to process and grieve in a healthy and productive way. I will never fully understand why people leave, and I know my life will never be the same after losing people I love so dearly. There is not always a light at the end of the tunnel, but this is the reality of life. If I can find beauty in the darkness without the promise of light, then I think I will be okay.
Shot on Ilford Hp5 large format film.